Try my way:

-have to do things

-dont do it or do it partially

-want to kill myself for a while because i feel a worthless piece of shit who cant accomplish anything, even the things that i care and would benefit my future

-forget how shit you felt after like 1-2 days because you had a random moderatly good day caused by the weight of previuosly mentioned things to do going away after you failed them

-feel good until new thing

-repeat