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Feeling stressed? Do the physiological sigh. Big breath in, short breath in, big sigh out.
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Feeling anxious? Go for a walk, when you walk your eyes naturally scan from side to side which deactivates your amygdala, and relaxes the body.
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Are you feeling Sad? Acknowledge your feelings, validate yourself and then move your body to release endorphins.
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If you’re feeling impulsive or angry, look out of the window, but don’t look AT anything, dilate your gaze, or zone out, this blunts noradrenaline, so you can think clearly.
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If you have low motivation, focus intently on one sopt on your screen for one minute and ignore everything else pupillary convergence increases focus.
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If you’re feeling insecure, write down your strengths, as the logic systems override the limbic system.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, here’s some things that help, , journaling, writing down what you’re grateful for, going out in nature, breath work (wim hof), go for a drive or move your body with dance etc. This can help you sooth those emotions and regain balance, so those emotions aren’t filling up the whole screen and you can see around them again, and find ways to help yourself in the moment.
Credit: Anna Akana, Dr Nicole A. Tetreault.
Humans are adaptive. We get used to feeling bad. I got used to it when I was drinking more. Waking up hungover, needing a beer, counting the hours at work until I can go and get a drink to stop the shaking.
I had my own ways to deal with the pain and I got used to it. It took some time but when I got back into working out, or drawing or writing, or trying to learn a new language. I was just trying to distract myself to build up enough habits that didn’t involve drinking.
It’s tough, but it’s not. You got to do it everyday. That’s the hard part, but the tasks are simple. I tell my wife things that I think would help her. Like writing down her thoughts, but she had a bad experience growing up with her mom reading her diary and randomly quoting it back to her. She has trust issues with that.
That’s huge, my friend! You absolutely turned your life around! Well done! That’s absolutely immense, I’m so proud of you! That’s a lot to fight through, you must be very proud of an achievement like that!
I am so sorry your wife had such a negatively impactful childhood. That’s really heavy. Good on her for not forcing herself to do something that might cause distress, and listening and honouring how she feels. I bet she’ll find another way to find clarity. Maybe just talking with you is just as helpful, you sound like you have a very close and supportive relationship.