You lost me on the first sentence. I mean, I understand what you are saying but (as a married person) I can’t relate at all. Even at the beginning of our relationship, if my partner decided to leave me it would suck but I never really thought or worried about it. If there was a problem, we talked about it and tried to solve it in a way that worked for both of us.

Cheating et al, how often does it happen? Was it something you worried about before you were poly (if there was a before and if you don’t mind me asking, I don’t want to be rude)?