Thanks for the thorough perspective! The specific space I was thinking of was a gay bar/gay club. There have been a few times when I’ve partied with a group that included a bunch of gay men. Then that group wanted to continue the night at a gay bar and invited me. Even with an invitation, it would feel like invading. I had no idea there was an ally flag. I’ll look into repping that.
As a lesbian who goes out to gay bars, my perspective is that if someone who isn’t queer is invited by queer friends to a gay bar, it’s absolutely fine to go. Just don’t flirt with people, as I’d find that disrespectful. Have fun with your group, and enjoy the wonderful events at the bar (karaoke, drag shows, trivia, etc.). As long as you’re being respectful, I see no problem with it. But obviously don’t go there by yourself and definitely don’t try to pick someone up. Gay bars are a place for queer folks to be open and be themselves, without the prejudices of the cishet. It’s a bastion of safety for us. If you are invited as part of a group, then clearly you are believed to be capable of upholding the safety that they provide.
Also, I second the ally flag. There’s one I saw on a house that was just the intersex pride progress flag with “All are welcome” or similar written on it. That would be a great flag to fly.
EDIT: Here’s the flag I saw:
And a little note on the word queer. It’s going to depend on who you’re talking to, but I can’t imagine myself ever having a problem with its use unless it were used as a slur, and it’s very obvious when it is. I, and everyone I know, wouldn’t bat an eye at a cishet person using the term to refer to us if it were done in a respectful way. While it’s a reclaimed word, I feel that it has been so aggressively reclaimed that it’s okay for use by out-groups so long as it’s in the right context, and has the right intention. Just my perspective.
Thanks for the thorough perspective! The specific space I was thinking of was a gay bar/gay club. There have been a few times when I’ve partied with a group that included a bunch of gay men. Then that group wanted to continue the night at a gay bar and invited me. Even with an invitation, it would feel like invading. I had no idea there was an ally flag. I’ll look into repping that.
Thanks for all the tips.
As a lesbian who goes out to gay bars, my perspective is that if someone who isn’t queer is invited by queer friends to a gay bar, it’s absolutely fine to go. Just don’t flirt with people, as I’d find that disrespectful. Have fun with your group, and enjoy the wonderful events at the bar (karaoke, drag shows, trivia, etc.). As long as you’re being respectful, I see no problem with it. But obviously don’t go there by yourself and definitely don’t try to pick someone up. Gay bars are a place for queer folks to be open and be themselves, without the prejudices of the cishet. It’s a bastion of safety for us. If you are invited as part of a group, then clearly you are believed to be capable of upholding the safety that they provide.
Also, I second the ally flag. There’s one I saw on a house that was just the intersex pride progress flag with “All are welcome” or similar written on it. That would be a great flag to fly.
EDIT: Here’s the flag I saw:
And a little note on the word queer. It’s going to depend on who you’re talking to, but I can’t imagine myself ever having a problem with its use unless it were used as a slur, and it’s very obvious when it is. I, and everyone I know, wouldn’t bat an eye at a cishet person using the term to refer to us if it were done in a respectful way. While it’s a reclaimed word, I feel that it has been so aggressively reclaimed that it’s okay for use by out-groups so long as it’s in the right context, and has the right intention. Just my perspective.